oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
