why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
