I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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