that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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