Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
