The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
