So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
