I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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