Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
