People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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