if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
