talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
