I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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