just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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