And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
