He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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