What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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