she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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