Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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