So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
