u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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