I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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