The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
