You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
