we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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