so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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