spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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