can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize