Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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