Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
