You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Drake has all the answers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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