sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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