i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize