So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
