Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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