Welp...herpes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
