just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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