This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
