i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
