I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
