i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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