I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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