You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
