Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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