okay pat passed out under dana's car
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
