A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
