before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
