My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
