the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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