break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
