He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
