my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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