Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
