At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
