I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
