this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
