I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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