TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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