So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
