lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
