Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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