so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
