I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize