im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
