So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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