I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have fence marks all over my body
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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