He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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