he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
