Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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