Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
