No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
