That's when you crack a 10am beer
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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