every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
