when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
